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If there is a light then I am going to swallow it. If there is a God then I’m going to make him cry.

—S. Osborn

LUPINESTAR
Lupinestar 2

ABOUT

Lupinestar is a large, oriental mix she-cat with cold, searching amber eyes. She can often be found by Mossclan's shrines--praying--or talking to the elders in her clan.

BREAKDOWN

  • Name → Lupinestar
    • Future Names → N.a
    • Previous Name → Lupinespark, Lupinepaw, Lupinekit
  • Nicknames → N.a
    • Disliked Nicknames → N.a
    • Prefered Nicknames → N.a
    • Former Nicknames → N.a
  • Age → 51 Moons(4 years, 3 months)
  • Religion → Starclan
  • Alignment → Lawful good

LOCATION

Lupinestar's mother joined the clan while pregnant with her, and the clan accepted them with open arms. A beloved member, Lupinestar worked her way up to becoming their leader. She is fiercely loyal to her clan.

  • Current Group: → Mossclan
    • Thoughts: → "This is my home, and I hope I can be even half the leader my mother was."
    • Previous Groups: → N/a
  • Rank: → leader
    • Thoughts: → "I wish my mother was still alive."
    • Previous Rank(s): → deputy, warrior, apprentice, kit
  • Mentored by: → Doveshadow
  • Apprentice: → Mintpaw

PERSONALITY
Lupinestar is a paranoid pessimist with a rain cloud practically hanging over her head. She’s bitter, she resents herself for simply living. In her mind, her very existence led to her mother’s death. It's not uncommon for her to lash out at the cats around her or start arguments. She never wanted to be leader, she would’ve rather been anything else. When she was made deputy, she knew she’d have to watch her mother die in order to become a leader, and she’s carried that sentiment with her. She is only where she is because a good she-cat died.
The anxiety of never being as good as her mother, the fear that she’ll never make her mother proud has withered away her once sunny disposition. The constant anxiety that her clan will come to resent her eats away at her bit by bit, and her esteem has all but crumpled into nothing.
Lupinestar’s become skeptical of every cat’s motives, she doubts any cat has the capability to be genuine, especially towards her, at this point. Her lack of trust in anyone around her mars any prior amounts of adoration her clanmates once had for her.
She can come off as an unapproachable, prickly she-cat, despite the fact that she doesn’t want to. She despises her personality, and misses the lively she-cat she once was. She misses being full of life and loved by those around her. She misses having friends and cats she trusted, but she doesn’t have the energy to change anything. She’d rather be alone than hurt like this ever again. Her mother’s death truly broke her.
Her faith in Starclan extends solely to the belief that her mother lives on somewhere, and she regularly visits her grave. She'd be real sweetheart, and an amazing leader and friend to her clan if she could just bring herself to open up and learn to move forward with her life, but she refuses.

  • (+) → kind & loyal
  • (=) → short-tempered & stubborn
  • (-) → paranoid & pessimistic

LIKES & DISLIKES

  • (+) spring, wildflowers, swimming
  • (-) being touched, winter, frogs

GOALS

  • make a friend? [incomplete]
  • train an apprentice [incomplete]
  • fix herself [incomplete]

FEARS

  • pistanthrophobia → [fear of trusting others]

APPEARANCE
Lupinestar is a large, dark-grey she-cat with thick fur. Her pelt follows a classic tabby pattern wit almost black-colored stripes. Lupinestar's underside is a paler dove-grey color. She has a series of dark speckles under her eyes and on the bridge of her nose. Her wide eyes are a bright yellow that often come across as unsettling in the dark.

  • Breed: → Ragdoll/Oriental shorthair/molly mix
  • Weight: → ~8-9 lbs depending on the season
  • Height: → 10.5"
  • Voice Claim: → tbd

KIN

  • Mother: → Sweetstar
  • Father: → Unknown
  • Siblings: → N.a
  • Mate: → N.a
  • Kits: → N.a

RELATIONSHIPS


Bluebelldrift [Holly] (warrior) - (friend)
She's a good cat to have in Mossclan, I appreciate her honesty and I believe she has a wisdom far beyond her age. I do wonder what made her able to think these sorts of things at such a young age.

Moosetrapper [Rue] (warrior) - (close friend)
I'm so lucky to have him. I don't know what I'd do without him, I suppose he's like the light at the end of my tunnel.
Rainwhisker [Nikki] (deputy) - (friend)
I reckon she thinks I made a mistake in choosing her to be deputy. I hope she knows I meant it. She has a good heart and a level head, I'm proud of her.


Sweetstar [NPC] (previous leader) - (mother)
I have this nightmare that I'm talking to her, but she won't talk back to me, she just stares at me--and there's something like disappointment in her eyes, and then she just disappears. I miss her so much. I wish I could be with her again.


Character [Username] (rank) - (Relationship)
thoughts on character


Character [Username] (rank) - (Relationship)
thoughts on character

LOVE LIFE

  • Relationship Status: → Single, not looking
  • Sexuality: → Bicurious
    • Mate: → N.a
    • Ex-mates: → N.a
  • Attracted to: → N.a
    • Previously attracted to: → N.a
    • Cats attracted to Lupinestar: → N.a
    • Cats previously attracted to Lupinestar: → N.a
  • Eye Candy: → tbd
    • Mental: → tbd
    • Love language: → tbd

PREFERENCES & BEHAVIOR
Key: ✓ (yes), ྾ (no), ? (unsure), ❦ (maybe), ❧ (leaning to no)
(྾) Long-lasting Relationship
(❧) Short-term Relationship
(྾) Open Relationship
(?) Quick Fling
(྾) Kits (out of a fling)
(྾) Kits (out of a stable, long-lasting relationship)
Lupinestar in love: → insert

BACKSTORY
Lupinestar was born into Mossclan, her mother, Sweetbriar, having been taken in by them shortly before. The two were the clan's sweethearts, deeply adored by their newfound family. Growing up, Lupinekit was sweet as candy, a charismatic she-cat who loved spending time with older cats. She frequently spent time in the medicine cat's den as well, wanting to learn as much as possible about everything. She did, however, choose the warrior path, but maintained a close relationship with the young medicine cat, Dandelionsun.

Her mentor was a she-cat named Doveshadow, known for her sharp tongue and mind. The she-cats harsh personality did little to deter Lupinepaw's constant excitement with life, and it wasn't long before even her mentor couldn't deny her affection for the whirlwind that was Lupinepaw. She was in love with life and all the gems, no matter how mundane, that came with living. If it was snowing, she built "snow dens" with the other apprentices and kits, if it was overbearingly hot, she'd ask her mentor to take her swimming. She was full of what she loved--life.

The same time she was appointed a warrior--Lupinespark--her mother was promoted to the clan's deputy, the older members of the clan couldn't even bring themselves to have an qualms with the decision. If Lupinespark was unstoppable alone, her and Sweetbriar were a force to be reckoned with. The two were close as can be, and after Lupinespark was made a warrior, they were all but joint by the hip. Between making regular trips to the medicine cat's den to gossip with Dandelionsun and hanging out with her mother, Lupinespark still excelled as a warrior. She didn't mind cleaning out the elders' den for the apprentices, because she still adored talking to the oldest members of the clan. She helped maintain the clan's shrine to Starclan and assured no grave, no matter how old, was left unkept. Her energy had no limits, and she didn't mind constant patrols if it meant she got to see the wonders of the clan's territory.

Unfortunately, no good things last forever, and a large storm utterly wrecked the clan. Among the casualities were Dandelionsun, and the clan's leader, meaning Sweetbriar was to become Sweetstar. Lupinespark was torn between absolute devastation over her friend's death and pride in her mother. When it came time for a deputy to be chosen, Sweetstar chose her daughter(after a careful consultation with the clan's senior warriors). Lupinespark willingly took on the role, but her heart sunk at the realization that she could only be leader if her mother passed away, and the following realization that she'd have to watch her mother die nine times.

Lupinespark did her best to recover from Dandelionsun's death, but her shining personality seemed to dim in a way only those closest to her could pick up on. The constant patrols she went on were less for her own enjoyment anymore, more of a way to dim the thoughts in her mind.
While she never took any official lovers, she did have her fair share of flings, but none were ever made official after a rejection earlier in her life. However, since the stress of her mother's leadership and her friend's death wormed it's way into her life, she hadn't allowed herself to take part in something so frivolous and immature as romance.

Time passed, as it does, and she had to watch as her mother lost her lives in various endeavors--anything from sickness to fights with coyotes--until they dwindled down to one. Watching her mother die over and over again took a toll on Lupinespark, even if she knew she hadn't truly died. Her excitement for life was eaten at every time disaster struck, paranoid this would be what killed her mother. She did her best to hide this from her clan, not wanting her image to be ruined by this, but she could only do so much--her exhaustion was showing.

Unfortunately, Sweetstar passed away in one of the most devastating events in the clan's history. Several members of the clan were found dead in the territory with no evident cause, Sweetstar having been one of the victims. Her death devastated her daughter, and she had to all but be dragged away from her mother for her nine lives ceremony. At the ceremony, she begged Starclan to pick another leader, to forget tradition this once and select another cat. Her pleas fell on deaf ears, and she found herself facing her mother's ghost, who gave her the first of her nine lives.

After becoming leader, her personality shifted completely to make room for all the grief, devastation, and anger in her body. Deep in her mind, she began to tell herself her mother died because of her. Her mother never would've joined the clan had she not been pregnant with her. She put up walls, shoving aside the friendly she-cat she used to be. She focused on being a driven, perfect leader, working every possible moment of the day to prevent herself from thinking so much. At night, she went out hunting to stock the fresh-kill pile for the following day, only taking brief naps for her health. The grief inside her ate her whole and spit her back out with nothing. She's yet to allow anyone new into her life, and feels guilt for allowing herself to be happy without her mother.


EXTRA
QUOTES

  • N.a

TRIVIA

  • Lupinestar was inspired by the songs "Cool About It" by Boygenius, "The Kill" by 30 Seconds to Mars, and "I Know The End" by Phoebe Bridgers

GALLERY

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